Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
