you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
