Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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