turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
