So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
