the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
