i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
