I have demons in me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He felt like a one man threesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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