I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
