Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
