he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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