Already got asked if we're dating
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
