my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
