Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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