yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
