I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
