I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
