So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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