do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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