All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick