Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she smelled like a LAN party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?