We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
