k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
