Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
