Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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