Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize