She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
