You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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