Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
