I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
