So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That's intense
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
