for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
