Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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