My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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