when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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