please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
