Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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