Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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