she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
