you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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