my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
