He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
