You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
