Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
