Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
being pregnant is like rehab
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
