Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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