I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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