the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
