Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
