im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
