I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
