If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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