My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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