Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
