Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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