got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
