At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
