Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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