he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
