if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
