i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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