I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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