You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
