You made me cry and you don't even care
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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