I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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