its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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