Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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