He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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