I'm so fucking centered right now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
