i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
