im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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