the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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