Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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