I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
