You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
