No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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