I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
