Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
