Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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