We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
