I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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