If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
