Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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