Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im six kinds of drunk right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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