I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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