You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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