so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
