just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
