dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
