Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need a beard to bite.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
