My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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