I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
