So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
